Out of My Shell Over You (Published 2008) (2024)

After Nicola Kraus kissed David Wheir for the first time, her mother had a question for her: “Is he your lobster?”

The crustacean reference came from the television show “Friends.” On one of the many episodes when Ross and Rachel got back together, Phoebe declared, “He’s her lobster.” According to Phoebe, “It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life.”

Ms. Kraus, 33, playfully began referring to Mr. Wheir, 36, as her lobster, and incorporated the pet name into plans for their wedding on June 14.

She had already established that she was not beholden to wedding traditions when she told her bridesmaids to wear their own clothing. (“Because they’re my friends, not my backup singers,” she said.) So she arranged to have two plastic lobsters placed on the top of the wedding cake and Mr. Wheir’s ring engraved with the word “Lobster.”

But fictional characters are not always the best source of information.

“As it turns out, lobsters don’t mate for life,” explained Mr. Wheir, a video editor in New York.

Actually, male lobsters in particular are rather promiscuous. “Lobsters do have a monogamous bond, but it only lasts for two weeks,” said Trevor Corson, the author of “The Secret Life of Lobsters” (HarperCollins, 2004). “Essentially what happens is that the alpha male in the neighborhood mates successively with each of the females for two weeks each.”

So much for using “Rock Lobster” for the first dance.

But after researching the topic, Ms. Kraus, an author of “The Nanny Diaries,” was enlightened by what she learned.

“The female lobster has to shed her shell before she can mate,” Ms. Kraus noted. “She has to make herself vulnerable.”

Having found her way to Mr. Wheir after engaging in a lengthy quest for self-improvement, Ms. Kraus decided that lobsters were still an apt metaphor.

“You can’t be afraid of risking being foolish looking for love,” she said. “Letting people know that you love them isn’t a sign of vulnerability. It’s actually the bravest thing you can do. It’s a sign of strength and self-confidence.”

So Mr. Wheir is still her lobster.

Which is fortunate because a watercolor by the painter Gertrude Hamilton was commissioned as a wedding gift by the bride’s parents, Peter and Evelyn Kraus, the owners of Ursus Books and Prints in the Carlyle Hotel.

The painting has made the bridegroom as happy as a clam. “It’s a handsome lobster,” he said.